Sunday, July 25, 2010

A Purpose


Lately I have been questioning my involvement with horses. Whether or not I really want to own them. At times I feel like I do not give my horses the amount of time they deserve but then the thought of not having them seems even worse then the guilt. Knowing that as I head into High School my work load will only get heavier and things will get tougher I strain to see a place in my future where they would really fit.

But I know that I do not want to lose horses in my life. I have been thinking that maybe my reason for being introduced to horses was not for the riding, the training, or even to own horses. My Corolla inspires me in ways that no other horse has. To know her ancestors history and to own her is beyond a privlage. I want to be around one day and know that the Corolla's will be safe, secure, and live on long after me. They deserve that much. They are as much a part of history to me as George Washington.

So maybe re-evaluating my involvement with horses isn't such a horrible thing. I do not know yet what my purpose with horses is. The thought of giving up my horses leaves me dissapointed in myself and feeling like aa selfish kid. I gave up alot for them and I wonder is it just me feeling done with a phase of my life.

I dont know my purpose with horses but as each day passes I seem to think of it as being there for the Corollas. An activist for their preservation and a voice for them. It's hard to imagine that I might not need or want my horses. I do not want to lose them though. But it's hard to draw the line of where love ends and reality begins. I love my horses but the reality is, we might serve different purposes that have nothing to do with each other.

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